Why people are always late for lunch: situation / analysis / learnings

Before I begin, I must say that I'm guilty of making the unfashionably late entrance from time to time.

Situation:
This is how it all begins. You arrive at a lunch spot on time and you're the only one there. . . You're asking yourself, "WTF, why am I the only one here?" "is this some kind of joke?" Then you habitually go on to fidget with your phone, hoping, just hoping that someone has sent you a random text message. Anyways, no one likes being the lone wolf, it sucks BADLY. Almost as bad as someone responding maybe, yes, I hope my sentiment resonates with YOU people out there.

Analysis:
Then it becomes a viscous cycle of tardiness. Next lunch meeting, you intentionally leave a few minutes later just to avoid the awkward "I'm the only one here at this 6 person table how do I make myself look busy" moment. Meeting times get later and later, 10 mins late.... 15 mins....30 mins wtf???

Learnings:
This is why I've made it a practice to leave for lunch only after one of your other lunch mates sign off or go away/idle on IM. Only then can you be certain that others will arrive when you do. I'm almost embarrassed to even point out what could be common knowledge on best practices for leaving to lunch. But it must be known to one and everyone, similar to how guys should NEVER use emoticons.

/end random rant of shamelessness

the absolute worst experiences in life are:

1. getting a rookie Benihana chef that can't do tricks
2. when people respond w/ maybe to an invite(check previous post)
3. having girl(s) tell you, "you don't know how to talk to girls"
4. having the piss drunk bday girl say, "who the f### are you????"

it's a cruel, cruel world out there

wtf does "maybe" mean?

Me: do you want to hang out with me tonight?
Friend: maybe...
Me: (in my head) WTF KIND OF RESPONSE IS THAT??? am i not the hot shit?

Yes folks, when people respond with "maybe," does that not just make you want to walk up to them and whack them with a baton? These days I judge people based on their maybe %, just sayin. The maybe % is defined as the % of time the respondent will flake. When she says maybe, 95% of the time it means no. Him, well he's 65%. In an ideal world, I would require people to include the maybe % whenever they respond with such a bs response.

For example:
Me: do you want to hang out with me tonight?
Friend: maybe 45%
Me: (in my head) you're a damn fool for not hanging out with me, time to fire up WoW...

That's much better.