Bathroom thoughts taken from some anonymous twitter account

*thoughts while in the bathroom of a questionable establishment (chronological order)

xxxxxxxxxx: god i wish toilet water absorbed movement as well as those foam mattresses that won't topple a glass of red wine
xxxxxxxxxx: on phone: "oh that, that's just the faucet"
xxxxxxxxxx: why the hell did this random fool take the stall right next to me? does he really think we're friends?
xxxxxxxxxx: ok I better behave myself since he'll recognize my shoes
xxxxxxxxxx: *looking at bathroom graffiti
xxxxxxxxxx: haha, ______ is going to get so many calls
xxxxxxxxxx: hold on a sec here.... how could he possibly know???
xxxxxxxxxx: whoever wrote this is, is damn profound!
xxxxxxxxxx: ok, let's get out of here before the waiter thinks i left without paying
xxxxxxxxxx: crumple? fold?
xxxxxxxxxx: surface area/efficiency theory? or get out here quick theory? the latter.
xxxxxxxxxx: boy i could have used some chipotle away...
xxxxxxxxxx: *post bathroom antics
xxxxxxxxxx: time for round 2